Mr. Pipeline and Business as Usual

The puppets have gathered in a dingy basement, heads together under the ceiling. Mr. Pipeline has called a meeting of sorts, and ever amiable Per, Good Time and NOWCA have shown up to see what he’s on about. Mr. Pipeline is clearly agitated, and opens the conversation rather brusquely.

*******

MR. PIPELINE:  AH, AH, hi everyone. So nice you could make it. Er I mean, good to see you.

PER: Sure, Mr. Pipeline, it’s the least a fellow puppet can do.

GOOD TIME: Glad to see everyone again.

NOWCA smiled warmly.

MR. PIPELINE: I just wanted a chance to say, hmm, how wrong it is to be constantly harping on about pipelines and fossil fuels. You people need a dose of the real world…and I’m going to give it to you.

PER: I don’t think….(but Pipeline interrupts immediately)

image courtesy of Pixabay

MR. PIPELINE: Yes, but you have to realize that it’s businesses, corporations like mine, that put the food on everyone’s table, fuel the cars and buses, build the hospitals and schools. And when you start limiting opportunities and then attacking the economic viability of companies…you are hurting everyone in the country. That’s exactly what you are doing when you no good…I mean…that’s what happens when you illegally stop the pipelines our industry needs.

PER: Now wait a minute…our whole economy depends on nature and the environment to run…and...(Pipeline talks over Per again)

MR. PIPELINE: Now don’t start telling me that beautiful trees put bread on the table and dollars in your pocket. That’s what industries like oil do, and sure there are costs -- there are for everything -- but it’s the cost of doing business, of creating jobs and keeping the economy going. I think if one more hooligan waves a picket sign about how i’m wrecking the planet outside our corporate centre, I’ll get a pack of guard dogs to straighten them all out.

Lousy, useless sticks-in-the-mud are trying to stop everything.

PER: Really Mr. Pipeline. You would sick dogs on people who are trying to protect us all? If you weren’t so blind you would read the writing on the wall and realize we cannot dilly dally anymore. We have to deal with climate change, or face the catastrophic weather, droughts, crop failures, rising…(again, Pipeline cuts Per off).

MR. PIPELINE: Yes, yes I know, we still have to deal with that theory that using good old oil is going to wreck everything. And we are saying we are ready to start to phase it out as soon as our proven profitable oil runs out. (his voice begins to rise loudly) In the meantime you are making it hard to run my business…It’s having a real impact on the bottom line...and I wont’ take this lying down…we have to fight back to protect our investments and your jobs for chrissake…

GOOD TIME: Calm down, please, Mr. Pipeline! We are among fellow puppets here, aren’t we? We are here to listen to you. No need to start shouting.

MR. PIPELINE: Well you would be shouting too if it was your corporation that was having to cut dividends and reduce profits. I mean really, is this a free market or what? I’m getting complaints from the Board and from shareholders. This is unheard of, we’ve always been a very profitable company.

You just have to cut out all this destructive nonsense about reduce, reduce, reduce...companies need room to expand, grow, sell more and make more money, otherwise, what’s the point? 

PER: The point, Mr. Pipeline, is preservation of the natural world and avoiding climate catastrophe. We keep trying to tell you. 

Besides you are far from starving, Mr. Pipeline. Answer me this simple question: How many houses do you own?

image courtesy of Pixabay

MR. PIPELINE:  How is that relevant at all? Give me a break, I’m a successful businessman. I get to invest in property, stimulate the real estate market, bring all values up.

PER: But honestly, how many houses do you own?

MR. PIPELINE: Why would we talk about my houses?

PER: So it’s more than one, Mr. Pipeline?

MR. PIPELINE: Of course, don’t be absurd, what businessman owns just one house?  What’s your point, anyway? I thought we were talking about all this violent illegal protesting nonsense.

PER: Can you tell us about your houses? Come on, Pipeline, if you want us to listen you can level with us at least a little bit.

MR. PIPELINE:  Well that’s really private business. You know you don’t have a right to know. Most of my homes are just owned by one of the corporations anyway. But they are really mine. They are legitimate business costs and have to be tax sheltered. Like my condo in Toronto, I need it for board meetings. I’m flying back and forth at least once a week you know.

PER: How much would that condo have cost, Mr. Pipeline?

MR. PIPELINE: Give me a break, it’s just a condo. Probably only a few million, what’s your point?

PER: And you have a house in Calgary of course?

image courtesy of Pixabay

MR. PIPELINE: Well it’s a ranch in Cochrane actually. Quite a spread. My stables have some beautiful horses…I can’t remember their names right now...but it’s lovely when my trainer takes them out for exercising…It’s a nice place for me and my family. And, actually, I write quite a bit of it off for corporate entertaining. I have to have the guys over now and then for poker…just good business practice you know.

PER: Any other multi million dollar properties you can remember just off the top of your head?

MR. PIPELINE: Well, now that you mention it, I really do like the Houston house too, with a great view of the ocean. Good thing it’s up on a hill… I’m no dummy you know, I bought it well above the flood plain, good thing too after that hurricane last year. My housekeepers took good care of it though…and insurance paid for the new roof and the trees will grow back in time. It’s a great house…I remember when we made the deal with a certain oil company and we had their whole Board over…and…ah, well it’s a great house.

PER: And who lives in those houses now Mr. Pipeline?

image courtesy of Pixabay

MR. PIPELINE: What do you mean? I live in them, they’re mine…why should someone else be in them?

PER: Maybe you have heard that there is a housing crisis?

MR. PIPELINE: Of course. Government has to let the free market build more to meet demand. Why are you on at me about this anyway…I’m a good upstanding citizen, a builder of the economy. I pay my taxes like anyone else. I really don’t know what you are on about.

PER:  Ah, yes, taxes, just how much do you pay in taxes, Mr. Pipeline?  

MR. PIPELINE: Same as anyone else, I pay my income taxes.

PER: And last year that was how much?

MR. PIPELINE: How would I know? I have a whole accounting department that handles investments and taxes. Their profession is to keep my tax bill as low as possible. And they are good. They’ve got it arranged so almost all the income is tax sheltered in the companies. They maximize my royalty credits and all my tax breaks. Best business practice going. They even bought me a lovely beachside house in the Bahamas, where a lot of my banking is done now, so I can be close to my money.

image courtesy of Pixabay

PER: What?! How can you do that to your country, to your fellow citizens? We need to transform our economy and you are hiding profits and cheating on your taxes. Mr. Pipeline, you are nothing but a…a….

NOWCA: Take it easy, Per. Mr. Pipeline is just another PERson, like you or Good Time and he has beliefs and understandings like each of us do. We really are far more the same than we are different you know.

*******

Thanks to Keith Wiley for this guest post.

Why Didn't The Paper Print My Letter?

Dreary November had arrived, and the weather was getting seriously bleak.

But although it was cold and wet outside, NOWCA, Per and Good Time had learned more about proportional representation, and were enthusiastic about the deepening of democracy the system offered.

So as it rained, they wrote letters to the editor, and did some phone canvassing to see if supporters of pro rep had received their ballots and voted already.

image courtesy of Pixabay

Mr. Pipeline, however, didn't share their fervor, and did a lot of stomping around the house these days.

But today Mr. Pipeline was in a better mood. And the excitement of the other puppets was dampened. Let's find out why.

*******

PER: Hey NOWCA, you sent off your letter to the editor about proportional representation last week. Have you seen it in the newspaper yet?

NOWCA: No, and my friends' letters haven't been published either.

GOOD TIME: But I noticed that there have been letters from people who don't like proportional representation in the paper. What do you think's up with that?

NOWCA: I don't know...

PER (opening the paper): It doesn't seem fair that only one side is having their letters to the editor printed. I've been sending friends this link to make it easier for them to get their letters in. Let's see what's in the paper today ... Oh! There's a letter from Mr. Pipeline!

image courtesy of Pixabay

GOOD TIME: Read it to us, Per!

PER: OK. It says, "Regarding the upcoming referendum on proportional representation, people need to be aware that the crazy fringe elements who are out to destroy society will get into power if this goes through. Beware! Scared yet? You should be! Mr. Pipeline"

MR. PIPELINE (strolling into the room): Ah, yes. My letter to the editor was published. Not bad, eh?

NOWCA: But, Mr. Pipeline, you know what you said in your letter isn't true.

MR. PIPELINE: We don't need proportional representation. Things are fine the way they are!

GOOD TIME: But pro rep's better for democracy and it'll make it easier for us to mitigate climate change.

MR. PIPELINE: That may be so, but there are other interests that could suffer under this new system.

PER: Do you mean the interests of those who are able to lobby more effectively under the First Past the Post system, like these people?

MR. PIPELINE: What's more important? The economy or democracy? I'd say the economy, and if the people running the economy don't like proportional representation, we shouldn't have it.

image courtesy of Pixabay

NOWCA: It depends on what kind of an economy and society you want, Mr. Pipeline.

My preference is for a democracy where everyone's voice is heard and an economy geared towards serving the needs of a fair and caring society.

From what I can tell, the people you're referring to are just looking out for themselves, and not for anyone else or the environment.

MR. PIPELINE: So what? Anyone who works hard can become rich. Why waste time and energy on the losers who can't make it?

GOOD TIME: Mr. Pipeline, my friends aren't losers, but some of them are having a really tough time through no fault of their own. That attitude is mean.

MR. PIPELINE: Face reality, Good Time. It's all about dollars and cents, and anything else doesn't matter.

PER: Not even the state of the planet? Not even the future? People created the economy and we can change it, but we only have one planet, and it's in grave danger.

MR. PIPELINE: I pay attention to important things like dollars and cents. I'll leave the state of the planet to the tree huggers and granola crunchers.

NOWCA: You're writing off enormous segment of the population, Mr. Pipeline. I'm sad that people like you are getting media coverage, yet people like us are getting very little.

image courtesy of Pixabay

PER: But we have our networks and friends, and we're working hard to win this one. I think people are smart enough to know fear tactics when they see them.

MR. PIPELINE: Smart? They don't look smart to me. They look like peasants. Why should their voices be heard? They're not contributing.

GOOD TIME: Sure they are! They do all kinds of amazing things!

NOWCA: And in a democracy, everyone's voice matters. Most of the people I know are going to great lengths to keep us from destroying life on our planet, often at considerable personal sacrifice. I want our voices to have more influence in politics, not just the voices of the wealthy.

MR. PIPELINE (getting up and leaving the room): Well, I'll leave you to your networks and I'll stay with the moneyed. We'll see whose system gets to govern this province.

The three remaining puppets looked at each other.

PER: Lets get moving! Phoning, canvassing, talking to friends.

NOWCA: You're right, Per. We've got to use our people power to win this one. We're up against a lot of moneyed interests.

What's the link to that poll that matches your preferred voting system based on your values again? I like to keep it handy when I'm phoning so I can pass it on to others. So many find it helpful.

GOOD TIME: It's referendumguide.ca.

NOWCA: Thanks, Good Time. Let's hit the phones!

image courtesy of Pixabay